The Convent is a charmingly unpretentious horror comedy featuring a formulaic story and stereotypical characters. And while this might sound a bit boring or bad to you, to me is pure gold. I love movies like this! Sometimes you just want to watch something fun, familiar, and requiring zero brain effort. And what’s more familiar than a bunch of teenagers going to an abandoned convent to drink beer, smoke weed and have sex? The movie actually opens with a scene from forty years ago when a rebel chick storms the convent and brutally kills a bunch of nuns and a priest.
Now that’s how you open a movie. We’re now going to spin our horror wheel of fortune to see what kind of enemies they will have to face. Zombies – no, Vampires – no, Monsters – no, ah yes, we have our answer, it’s the demonically possessed. If this sounds a bit familiar, it’s because there are already several movies featuring basically the same story. The most popular of which is Night of the Demons [1988] or the original Italian version Demons [1985]. The Return of The Living Dead features zombies but the plot is the same.
The Convent draws inspiration from not just these horror classics but other movies as well. There are a lot of movie references in general, which is a nice touch. You could argue that the only original thing here is the script which was quite good. It was genuinely funny and reasonably reasonable. If you don’t have a lot of money to make your horror comedy you better make sure your script is on-point. For example, the reason why our gang returns to the convent after the police chased them away is a bag of weed they stashed there. Oh, and I forgot to mention that one of the cops is none other than Coolio.
All these little details add up and create an entertaining atmosphere. An atmosphere that everybody can enjoy not just the fans of the genre. Just like they can rejoice when it comes to the casting of our main character played by Adrienne Barbeau. You might remember her from such classics as Escape from New York and Creepshow. Here she plays a leather-wearing, no-bullshit-taking, armed-to-the-teeth kick-ass heroine. And she’s definitely worth the wait. Speaking of which, I have to say that after a strong opening, The Convent does slow down in the middle section only to return to greatness in the final third.
It’s also a magnificent time capsule showing us the best not only the late 90s had to offer but also the early 2000s. First of all, the soundtrack is straight from The Matrix featuring hardcore techno. What’s also funny is the fact that whenever the possessed start moving the music kicks in. It all feels like some weird Benny Hill sketch. Then we have the fashion, slang, and that really hot metal chick. During that time I was a young metalhead (now I’m an older one) so she hit me right in the, well, she hit me somewhere. The gore was charmingly B with a couple of cool scenes.
However, the decision to not have any nudity in the movie really surprised me. I wasn’t expecting Evil Toons but still. Featuring a short running time (70 minutes), fast pacing, and a lot of charm, The Convent is a fun albeit forgettable distraction. Finally, if you’re looking for something nostalgically similar, I recommend you check out Queen of the Damned and Dracula 2000. Or you can go the “so bad it’s good route” and take a look at Dracula 3000 also starring Coolio.
Director: Mike Mendez
Writer: Chaton Anderson
Cast: Joanna Canton, Adrienne Barbeau, Liam Kyle Sullivan, Renée Graham, Jim Golden, Coolio
Fun Facts: Since the budget was rather small, the production only had one set of fluorescent contact lenses. Sharing is caring, especially if you’re making a B horror comedy.
Rating:
IMDb Link: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0217331/
